What Do Guys Find Attractive?……

Do we really know what traits men find important in a woman? Is it the usual cliche; bums & boobs, long hair and nails? Does it matter whether they are real or fake? Well, why don’t we ask them and find out. I thought we’d get the male perspective on all things ‘woman’, so enjoy the responses below:


Visually a woman should have a look that reflects her personality I have always been attracted to strong woman. Curvy figure adds extra value and is always well received – HH – East London

The way she looks and dress & talks – OC, South London

Eyes and caring personality  – AW, South London

Starts with appearance everything else doesn’t matter – ES, South London

Humour, intelligence and sassiness – not sure that’s a word but for me represents a confidence with style not arrogance – NK, Kent

Common sense, sense of humour and the ability to fend for herself – JM, South London


No I don’t, its a fact of enhancement – HH, East London

Yes in some cases women over do it , it can be a put off – OC, South London

At the start, yes….have no problem with those things as long as I see a woman before all that is applied etc – AW, South London

No –  ES, South London

No, I don’t think it misrepresents them – NK, Kent

No it’s up to the individual but if it’s over the top it can be a turn off – JM, South London


Yes I do providing it suits the overall look the woman in question is going for – HH, East London.

If it looks good and it makes them feel good, that’s fine – OC, South London

Hmmm not all of it together…. – AW, South London

Not an issue – ES, South London

Yeah, don’t mind them but there are caveats such as not like Amy winehouse lashes and I’m not sure of the reasons for some hair extensions, weaves etc just seem a little unnecessary – NK, Kent

I wouldn’t say I look for it but if she looks good it’s not a problem – JM, South London


I have a preference for long hair, natural or otherwise. It takes a certain type of woman to carry off the natural look without feeling pressured to follow the flock – HH, East London.

No, just must have a good style – OC, South London

Nope, as long as it looks presentable, neat and clean – AW, South London

Yes, like long straight hair –  ES, South London

Not really. Preference for slightly shorter hair but no real opinion – NK, Kent

No different styles suit different people – JM, South London


Natural for me encompasses more than looks, its everything that makes a women who can be comfortable in her own skin even it that means fake nails, eyelashes – HH, East London

I like all styles. Natural is good – OC, South London

They probably do….but rarely does it happen like that – AW, South London

Yes, it’s just an idea – ES, South London 

I think it’s a fundamental misunderstanding of ‘natural’. I think blokes think that’s what girls want to hear – “you don’t need any make-up, you’re beautiful enough” but subtle make-up, hair etc won’t be picked up (we’re that blind sometimes) but essentially if you look great that’s OK by us – NK, Kent

I think that’s about right, men talk about “natural women” but I think they truly want one. They want their woman to look good and sexy – JM, South London


To be honest size would be a determining factor, with a concern to the rest?….let variety be the spice of life – HH, East London

Bad manners, rudeness/being ignored – OC, South London

No, barring religion – AW, South London

Size might be an issue… – ES, South London

Only one that might make me pause is size – Overweight doesn’t do it for me – The rest I am more than happy with – NK, Kent

Yes size would deter me from dating, I don’t date large women I find it a turn off. I’m fine with all religions but I would not change mine to be with a woman – JM, South London  

DESCRIBE YOUR IDEAL WOMAN (If you could create her?)

Ideal woman? Tough!!…. Good friend, great lover, tough but tender (tell me off if I step out of line but tender enough to forgive), good with kids, and more importantly always has a place in her heart for me – HH, East London

Loving/ upstanding/ caring/supportive/ pretty / and a friend/  like my girlfriend and you – OC, South London 

No such thing as an ideal woman, beauty is in the eye of the beholder – ES, South London

Ooh jeez…….between 5′ & 5’8, curves but toned (or athletic works as well!), brunette – this is difficult because it sounds all very ‘Nuts’ magazine but I guess those are the majority of my girlfriends have looked like…..not many blondes! – NK, Kent

My ideal woman (in the perfect world) would be a few years younger then me just shorter then me (in heels) good looking with a sexy body. A career woman with lots of ambition and financially independent. No more than 2 children (none would be great), colour and race don’t really matter but she must have a great sense of humour  – JM, South London   

So there you have it girls. Were you surprised by any of the comments? Feel free to comment below as I’m sure the guys would like your take on the above.

Thank you to all the guys that took part.

@ OC, South London: That’s so sweet of you to say…blush blush

22 responses to “What Do Guys Find Attractive?……

  1. This was very interesting I actually read it and questioned the other half at the same time and got some surprising responses from him. Great article ESP loved the question about men wanting a natural woman and looking at all different types of women on the road. Lol!

    • Yeah never could understand that….I would hear from guys ‘I don’t like weave, wigs etc’ but then that’s exactly part of the overall package that they initially find attractive in a woman, a well put together woman with the long hair, long (fake) lashes nails etc. I think secretly they love the adornment ;0)

  2. Excellent article! The main message throughout seemed to be that a man is attracted to a confident woman who carries herself well and doesn’t ‘over-do’ it whether she wears her hair natural, wears a weave, wears make up or not.

  3. What guys find attractive, who knows because these days they say one thing and then look at something totally different. As i wear my hair depenindg on how i feel ie weave something and other times natural. when i take out my weave I find my better half saying so when are you doing your hair as though my natural hair is not MY HAIR.
    But I will say this I agree that they all like a confident women as nothing looks more attractive then a confident woman whether she is all dolled up or faked up. LOL.

    • I think u hit the nail on the head!! I think what
      Weve learned is that guys dont know what they like/want..lol…but seriously I think confidence is
      Key and wins over long hair, nails etc in the long run.

  4. In appearance, I ‘naturally’ am attracted to a black of ‘natural’ appearance. For me this projects a strength – the Embracing of her Natural Heritage – It’s Beautiful and Inspiring and Powerful! How can a black man, not be attracted to this. Secondly, a woman of depth, a good communicator, fun-loving.. and more.. lol! Oh come on, you don’t want me to reveal all now… do you?

    So, there you have it. A black man… a single black man who knows what he likes, and knows what he wants. I must also add, an ambitious black man too.. lol!! But, with all the European wigs that I see black women wearing these days, where can I find such a woman who projects the strength and determination to embrace her Natural Beauty, Deep mind and Down to earth qualities… ummm!!??

  5. Thanks for your comment Ivor. So do you think if a woman ‘adorns’ oneself, then she isn’t embracing her natural heritage? and do you feel if a ‘black’ women wears a ‘European’ wig that she is shunning her heritage and hankering to be something she clearly isn’t or never will be?

    • Thanks for your response too.

      Well, a woman will ‘naturally’ want to ‘adorn’ herself in order to reflect her mood, feels and aspirations – as a black man, this is as natural as can be. However, let’s not get away from the fundamental point I am making here – that once a black woman wear a European blond or fair hair or other colour of wig, for me this is a betrayal of their roots – though not necessarily their culture.

      As previously stated, for me there is something so Beautiful, Strong and Focused in a black woman wearing her OWN hair – whether it be short or long. I think that Black men SHOULD be encouraging this!!

      Anyway, with the rise of black women wearing these Eurpean wigs, I feel I may have to travel further and stay closely tuned to natural hair events, to find my natural hair black woman with all the attractive attributes I seek in a black woman… hmm.

      • I totally agree it should be encouraged by all persons….natural hair certainly shouldn’t be in the minority. I think its a case of not understanding how to take care of our hair in it’s natural state. I know when I relaxed my hair, it wasn’t because I wanted to be European or to betray my roots/heritage in some way, I just wanted my hair to maintain a style without frizzing out. Now I know better because I understand my natural hair and therefore get the best from it. So understanding is key. If all you’ve ever known is relaxed/weave/wigs around you, then that is what you will do…and if that works for you, then that’s a personal thing and one shouldn’t be judged.

        So Ivor, do you seriously stalk the natural hair events hunting for your nubian queen? lol…….

      • In response to your 15:27 response, is their any evidence that a majority of black women wear these European wigs as a direct result of hair neglect? I don’t necessarily believe that that is the case. However, I do believe there is a motivation or an Influence that has nurtured a ‘confidence’ for competetiveness against European woman in the employment markets and overall professional markets too. I can’t but believe that this is so. One can almost see this ‘boasting’ by black women because ‘their hair now moves with the wind’ just like European women’s hair, and thus, somehow, now black women feel much more confident to ‘enter the race’, when in fact I’d like to say that black ‘natural’ women are already SUCCESSFUL. And, it’s this message that needs to be anchored correctly.. so that it sticks!!

        No, I don’t feel I am going over the top. We only have to look how the ‘brighter skin’ market has ‘boomed’ as a direct result of this seemingly competetiveness between black women and white women. Somehow, black women feel that the only way to be in the race for jobs and for higher roles, is to look similar to how their white counterparts look. It’s such a shame.. if true!

        How far away am I from what you are feeling about this particular issue?

    • I’m glad to see alot of my sistas embracing their natural.I didn’t think i would look attractive in my natural because we’re tought that your hair is suppose to be straight in order to fit in with society.Now i can be proud of who i am&what God has created.a nubian queen.Thank You for being an inspiration

  6. Ivor, I do believe your view has a touch of the hyperbolism about it…….lol

    I don’t think a black woman wears a ‘European’ wig to look or compete with European women. I don’t think when they purchase said wig, they do so consciously thinking “Let me buy this wig because it looks like European hair”. I believe it’s merely an extension of adorning oneself (can get a bit boring looking the same day in day out).

    On the other hand if what you say is truly how some women feel, then that would be very sad and I would say society and upbringing has a lot to do with nurturing that notion or ideal…….

    • Well, thanks for your response once again.

      While seemingly coming across slightly exaggerated… lol, I believe my responses raise questions, and I am yet to receive answers as to ‘why’ is their this Strong existence about black woman wearing Eurpoean wigs and European extensions. Please answer these questions – as it is always easier to a appose what I am saying – as if my motive is to simply be critical. I am far from simple – more analytical; though you have not said I am wrong.

      So, tell me ‘why’ you believe that black women feel this urge, desire or need to express themselves by wearing European hair that is in total oposition to the ‘Africanesque’ image that many of us have grown up seeing black women embrace?

      As a black man who is attracted to this Africanesque ‘natural hair’ appearance of black women, why are professional women more likely to wear a wig or European weave, rather than to present themselves in the natural and beautiful form of hair that many a black man loves to see?

      • Ivor I apologise for not having the time to respond to your comment before now, but as your question is such a provocative one, I’m going to open it up to the floor as I cannot answer for all the black women out there and it will be interesting to hear their responses. so I’m going to put it as a separate post.

  7. Oh wow! Where do I start? Ivor you have some very strong views but I must admit its refreshing to hear a man say he is attracted to a woman in her natural appearance. However being a woman with natural hair I agree with my big sis, I crave change. I get bored with having the same style, whenever I’ve worn weave it’s to achieve a different look, not a European look, just different. I also admit that since wearing my hair in its natural state I sometimes find it hard to manage and will wear it blow dried as its easier esp when ppl like me are running late for work in the morning lol. I love my natural hair, but also the versatility of it too.

    But… (i know you guys are thinking I can chat! Lol) I can see where you’re coming from
    If you’re referring to the black women that wear blonde weave down to their ankles, are bleached beyond recognition of whether or not they’re even human much less black and wear blue contacts. Then yes Ivor my dear, these women are well and truly lost souls who have been brainwashed by the system. But not me darling, I may be a fair skinned black women but I am black, beautiful and proud! Fist in the air moment!!! Lol

    • Thankfully, there are many black men who think like me – feeling that a a black woman keeping it ‘natural’ with her hair, is something Special. Nothing wrong in that. Why should black men like me, who maintain such strong views, be made to feel that we must be flexible and adapt to how we feel about a black women ‘plonking’ European ‘shiny’ black hair, or brown hair, on her head??What a shame that black women feel that they have to do wear these wigs!! Again, their are black men who Respect and Love the ‘natural’ black woman in her appearance, that reflects her ‘down to earth’, strong Africanesque roots and Culture. Good on us too!!

      What is amazing, is that, I feel I am being criticised for my attitude/ However, it is black women who are saying ‘can’t find good black men!’ Maybe, these black men are roaming with white women with their long hair – kind of ironic that now we see black women with their long hair too, but in the form of wiggs!!

      You can’t have it both ways Ladies!!

    • Thanks Natasha,

      I don’t know whether you are at one with my thoughts or not….. hmmm.

      However, I feel that I have remained consistent and clear throughout my promotion of ‘natural black women’ and the strengths that this ability to maintain their natual short/long hair has on our identity. Though, I also understand that where competition is rife – whether it be in business or employment – there seems to be an influence to straignten hair or to use shiny European hair as a way of looking.

      I have asked the question again and again. Why? But, again and again, not one black woman has been honest enough to say WHY they feel it necessary to wear wigs – especially this shiny oversized European wig on their head.

      Yes, some black men have, as you put it, ‘lost their soul’, by being attracted to this look or even white women. However, maybe these black men were never meant to be saved. But, there still lies an opportunity for black women to ‘keep it natural’ and to be loved and attracted to because of this.

      I hope this never dies.. hmmm.

      Take care of you!



  8. Apologies for the wrong spelling ‘wiggs’, instead of ‘wigs.’ Though, I am sure I made my point.

    I do hope that black women respond to this – explaining WHY they believe that black men are chasing white women, and not them?? This area has an important relationship with the wigs culture, as it may be a way to win back those black men who have ‘drifted!!’

    I say, those black men who have drifted in this way, are not worth fighting for. What do black women think?

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